Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Must Go- Idaho Edition (mostly)

Idaho- Expect for Boise, Idaho fucking sucks. I was up there for a three weeks for a work trip to Mtn. Home Air Force Base. Every where I have stopped in Idaho is either windy as hell, or smells like cow shit, usually both. Boise is pretty cool though. They have bikini mechanical bull riding at one bar and all you can drink for $9 dollars at another. They also recycle like it is the law. Props to Boise for making the most of their situation.

MPH Check- Have you seen these signs on the side of the road that inform you that if you are so fucking bored driving through Suicidaho that testing the accuracy on your speedometer will help pass 45 excruciating seconds. These are ridiculous. There is no good that can come out of this stupid test. “HAAZAAH! My speedometer is perfect, finally I can get some sleep.” Or “Fuck me, I am driving through Idaho and now my speedometer is off, just kill me now.” I guess one positive is that if you are driving in Idaho and you have a stop watch handy it is a strong sign that your life has taken a turn for the worst and it is time to start re-evaluating your goals.


Hunting- I have noticed that people up here in Idaho like to kill things. Maybe that is the only way to keep form killing others or possibly them self. But there are these tiny little squirrel looking things that people apparently love to shoot. They are like wild hamsters. I don't see the point in killing all these animals. But that is just how I have always been when it comes to killing things (except drifters). One kid up here was disappointed because he didn't get his permit to kill a moose. Why in the hell would you want to kill a moose. Doesn't make much sense to me. It is not like there is a Moose infestation, I just cannot imagine killing one for sport.


Dogs- I don't care if you live in the middle of nowhere or Idaho, if you have dogs keep them off the damn road, and by road I mean highway. Nothing like cruising at 65 and slamming on your brakes because there is a dog in the road. I would not have a problem with this if it had happened once, but it has happened like 4 times. Put your stupid dogs away, especially at night. It is hard to see them and I don't want the guilt of hitting a dog with my car. By the way, I do like dogs, I just don't like hitting them with my car!


Me- From Idaho. I am home now, see I comply with the must go list.


Shopping Carts- This one is over due and is universal. People, for the love of holy deities start putting your shopping carts in the designated cart return spot. Stores dedicate a prime parking spot as a cart return for a reason. Stop being so damn lazy and just leaving the cart in the little gap in between your car and the other cars surrounding yours. Last time I checked nobody enjoys scratches and dents on their car. So quit being so lazy and walk it over to the cart return so it will not go rolling into someones parked car. Please?


Locking Doors- Locking doors actually needs to stay and actually increase. While in Idaho I was at a small eating establishment (it was a bar) and I needed to go to the little boys room. This is a one person at a time restroom. I go and open the door, sure enough there is some redneck in there taking a piss. Hey asshole, I am not in the mood for a public pissing contest, lock the fucking door. The same situation happened to me at a nice sushi restaurant in Salt Lake. Classy place. I go to use the restroom and sure enough, there is some jackass (you know who you are!) in there with his junk in his hand. We are trying to have a society here, so if a bathroom is made for one person and you are in public, LOCK THE DOOR!

3 comments:

Carlee Hoopes said...

Awesome! I wish I had known about the term Suicidaho when I was there. It's perfect! I agree with you on most of these for sure. And, I'm pretty sure I know who the kid was who was bummed about not getting a Moose permit. LOL. Keep the must go lists coming!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more. Sorta like a social dumping ground. You were in Mnt. Home and that really sucks.

Anonymous said...

Oh god. Now you are using the "we're trying to have a society here" line. As if hearing Keith constantly say that wasn't enough. -A