Think for yourself.

This is a quote by Timothy Leary. Tool used it as an into to the live version of the song Third Eye. I just like this quote and felt the urge to share it. Timothy Leary is an interesting person.

"Think for yourself. Question authority. Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we're going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities: the political, the religious, the educational authorities, who have attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rule, regulations. Informing, forming in our minds an inner view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to immerse yourself in a state of vulnerable open-mindedness-- chaotic, confused vulnerability to which you owe yourself. Think for yourself. Question authority."

The Dirty Thirty

Since the days of my 20’s are now limited, I decided to make a list of 30 things I would like to do between now and the time I turn 30. These are in no particular order of importance (except number 1 is by far my first priority).

1. Do a body shot (preferably from hot girl).

2. Upgrade from futon to a real grown-up bed.

3. Start savings account for Logan.

4. Take Logan on a hike.

5. Take Logan to a fish farm.

6. Go camping.

7. Go wakeboarding.

8. Pay off Credit Card.

9. Take GMAT.

10. Begin work on MBA.

11. Go “out of town” (Dover does not count).

12. Drive Go-carts.

13. Take Motorcycle training class at HAFB so I can drive my awesome scooter to work.

14. Go to the Ute Football home opener.

15. Go to a comedy show.

16. Read “The Motley Fool Investment Guide.”

17. Start investing in TSP (government’s version of 401K).

18. Attend a Weber State hockey game.

19. Join and actually attend a book club.

20. Get book shelf for Logan.

21. Learn to dominate the Rubik’s Cube.

22. Learn the Utah Fight Song. (Utah Man)

23. Get protected case thingies for autographed paraphernalia.

24. Kill only 6 hobos (this is 1/3 of last years total, it can be time consuming).

25. Buy hobo a sandwich (before killing him).

26. Begin promoting “Backyard Hobo Fights to the Death.”

27. Educate ignorant society that “Hobo” is the preferred term. “Bum” is just offensive and they do not approve.

28. Participate in the World Series of Dwarf Tossing.

29. Practice Dwarf tossing.

30. I ran out of ideas around 26 (24 and 25 are real). So if anyone would like to make a suggestion… feel free.

Misspoken = Funny

Misspoken

I think it is funny when people say words wrong. It is usually older people, because they are dumb asses. I love it when people mispronounce a word, which in turn, completely changes the meaning.

Example 1:
I am in a training class for work title “Introduction to Financial Mgmt.” It basically goes over the budget process and fiscal responsibility. So the instructor seems reasonably knowledgeable on this subject, but he lost a lot of credibility with me when he repeatedly pronounced “fiscal (Pronunciation [fis-kuh l]) law” as “physical law.” Big difference.

Example 2: This one is slightly more amusing. A bunch of co-workers and I were chit-chatting about work B.S. I informed this co-worker that I ran a report and it basically told us nothing useful. He referred to it as “an act of infertility” as opposed to “an act futility.” I told a friend that an act of infertility is me having way too many gin and tonics. Now that I think about it though, an act of infertility could possibly be an act of futility.

Example 3: This is by far the best. A co-worker of mine, not old, like 24ish, had the greatest misspoken word accidents in history of misspoken word accidents. She told us a beauty of a story. Last year she was on her way to a work Christmas party with several co-workers. They were walking through a door and she was the tail end of the group. Well, apparently she does not like to open doors because of the “door-opening motion” (strange for others, normal for her). Well, the heavy door was beginning to close and fast. So, instead of putting up a paw to keep the door open just long enough she tried to sneak through, and failed. Her shoulders became wedged between the door and the frame; eventually she was sling-shot backwards out of the door and onto her butt. The people she is with already find this to be hysterical. Well, when she gets into the party the story is already being retold. As if this wasn’t an instant classic already, she sweetens it up. She informs everyone that when she fell she thought she had “broke her SCROTUM!” That’s right, scrotum. I wish I could have been there. Well, as it turns out, she apparently had misspoken. What she had meant to say was that she had “broke her Sternum.” Her excuse: “They both start and end with the same letters.” (I decided against the image of the scrotum, you are welcome)

Well, there you go. I really just wanted to tell the scrotum story. There are plenty more of these from the same source. I am planning on starting another blog devoted to this and similar stories… stay tuned. (Just kidding about old people being dumb asses)

Nice Dream: Getting Baptized? Me?

Ok, everybody has crazy dreams and I am no exception. Most people have crazy dreams about sex or vacations or whatever, not me. I never have those dreams. I have dreams like the one I am about to tell you: getting baptized. Yep, baptized, me, again, stupid. Fortunately I do not read too much into my dreams, but if you want to tell me what you think it means, knock yourself out. Here it is:

The dream begins with a memory, the memory of me telling my parents that I wanted to be baptized, again. Time kind of skips forward in the way time does in dreams. It is a few weeks later and my family, obviously thrilled with my decision, has planned a big celebration. They have invited every member of my extended family. This really stresses me out because, as it turns out (prepare to be shocked), I DO NOT WANT TO BE BAPTIZED! I was literally stressed in the dream, talking to myself, interrogating this unfortunate situation. “Why would I tell my parents I want to be baptized? I have not been going to church. I have no desire to go to church. Was I drunk? What the hell is going on here?” I say to myself repeatedly. (Is it still crazy to talk to yourself in a dream?) Then it occurs to me, the only possible solution, is that I never said anything about getting baptized to my parents. It was all a bad dream (yes, this was what I thought during my dream). What a relief, now I can relax.

Soooo, a little time passes and it is a Saturday and I go to my parent’s house. Low and behold, all my family is there, waiting. Great, it’s real!

Well, I am officially stressed again. Every one is congratulating me on my tremendous and courageous decision. Now I will be able to join them in the top level or some B.S. Something has to be done, immediately. I come to the conclusion that I just have to come clean and tell everyone that I, in fact, do not want to be baptized.

First, I decide to tell my parents. They do not seem surprised or upset. They decide that it would be best if I was the one to inform the rest of the family as well. So I walk out into the main room where everyone has congregated say “I thank you all for coming out today. I really appreciate it and it means a lot me that I have such a caring family. I am afraid there has been some miscommunication though. I actually do not have any intentions of getting baptized today, tomorrow, or ever. Thanks.”

That sucked. I am getting out of here. I go out to the garage, get on a mountain bike and leave. My dream ends with me riding this bike.

I actually woke up feeling stressed, weird.

Celeb-look-a-like

Well, I did the whole celebrity look-a-like thing as well. I am really not too suprised with the members of a completely different race than me. What I don't get though is how this program can tell my "black" features just by looking at my face.... strange.