Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Must Go

I originally posted this on myspace. Figured I would put it here as well.

First off, must give credit to X96 for the title. The only reason I have not sent this list into them is because who knows when they will get around to it. That being said, here is some things that I feel just simply need to disappear. Feel free to add to the list.

1. MARBLES- Marbles are simply a waste. Unless you are involved in the World Series of Hungry Hungry Hippos there is no reason to have marbles. They are in no way a fun toy. Little kids think they are a ball that they can throw, which they do, and hard at that. Marbles always end up on the floor as well, lost in the carpet until you step on it with a bare foot. That shit hurts. So with that, marbles just need to go.

2. CUP SIGNS ON OVERPASS- This is just retarded and has gone on for way to long. Have you ever been driving on the freeway and looked up to notice that the over pass has a special note that says "Welcome Home John." You think someone named John gets all excited when he sees his name up there? Goes home and thanks his wife, only to find out that it was for a different John. His disappointment slowly turns to rage as he kills all the family's pets to punish them for their lack of appreciation!

3. TRAINS-That's right I said it. Trains. Fuck Trains. Most of all, F- their stupid, loud-ass horns. Is there really a need for them to blow that atomic horn 10 times at midnight when they approach an intersection. Are they afraid that someone may be stuck on the tracks, in between the barriers? If someone is just sitting on the tracks and they are not able to take two steps to the side to avoid the giant train, then they should go as well. Trains suck.

4. MALE R.T.- Rock Tit on males is one of the most disgusting things you will ever see. If you have a tendency to get R.T. and you are a guy, do us all a favor and throw on an extra layer. Girls who get R.T., just keep doing what you are doing, unless you are fat, in which case you should lose some weight. (You kow Peter has some nasty RT going on)

5. WARREN SAPP- First off, for those who do not know, Warren Sapp is a Defensive Lineman for the Oakland Raiders. For years now the media will interview this fat, loud-mouthed, overrated football player after they have just lost whatever game they happened to be playing. And in every interview, this fat-ass has a giant wad of Chew stuffed in his lower fat lip. Seriously, are you that addicted that you cannot wait you are done with interviews to shove a bunch of shit in your face. Maybe he is just trying to speed up cancer so he can get off what can barely be considered a football team. The high-school girls volleyball team could beat the Raiders this year.

6. The Phrase "Right from the Horse's Mouth"- What in the flying hell does that mean!? It makes no sense whatsoever. A horse should kick whoever started that stupid phrase in the groin. Seriously, WTF. Has anything good ever come from a horse's mouth to prompt such a dumbass statement?

7. VOICEMAIL PAGE PROMPT- this is the last one. Why is it that when you call someone's cell phone and go to their voicemail that you can still be prompted to "Page" this person. Has anyone ever in the history of cell phones actually thought, "I am pretty fucking stupid, I think I will page this person." The only cell phone company that can still have this option is SPRINT. That is because they are a sad excuse for a cellular provider and they need to milk every second they can.

Well there you have it. If you have taken the time to read this pointless ramble you will become a better person. Also, please add things that you would like to see gone (please don't say Tittle needs to go, I am sensitive).

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Flagrantly wild fingernail clipping within a confined space, say a cubicle.

Dog lapping noises during eatin' time, especially if the noisemaker is not a dog.

People who say "I says" upwards of 15 times per shared story just in case the listener has forgotten what the storyteller said.