Alex Grey

Painting- Alex Grey

This is pretty much my favorite painting ever. I love all of this guy's work. You can find more at www.alexgrey.com. I really like how there is all this stimulus going on in the background. There seems to be "good" influences making it's way into whatever the artist is painting, but the evil in the bottom left corner seems to be blocked out. This is definitely influenced by the belief of the "Third Eye"

50 Funniest Homer Simpson Quotes

So I just came across this list on some website (www.2spare.com). I figured the easiest way to share this hilarity with my many devoted friends and readers was to just post it here. Enjoy Michelle and Carlee. (These are in no particular order, I put a couple of my favorites in bold)

· Operator! Give me the number for 911!
· Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
· Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
· Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
· I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
· Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
· Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
· Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
· Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
· Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
· You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
· Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
· When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
· Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
· I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
· [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
· What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
· Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
· Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
· The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
· When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
· I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
· Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
· I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
· Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
· It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
· Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
· I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
· Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
· Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
· Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
· How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
· Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
· Homer no function beer well without.
· I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
· Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
· If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
· I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
· I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
· [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'
· All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
· Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
· But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
· I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
· Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
· That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
· Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
· If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing
· I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
· 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?

Sloppy Cronkite

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This is an awesome clip from the Daily Show. It just goes to show how Fox News loves to hire douche bags. The Sloppy Cronkite is an awesome term as well. I think I sense the makings of an awesome t-shirt.

Must Go

I originally posted this on myspace. Figured I would put it here as well.

First off, must give credit to X96 for the title. The only reason I have not sent this list into them is because who knows when they will get around to it. That being said, here is some things that I feel just simply need to disappear. Feel free to add to the list.

1. MARBLES- Marbles are simply a waste. Unless you are involved in the World Series of Hungry Hungry Hippos there is no reason to have marbles. They are in no way a fun toy. Little kids think they are a ball that they can throw, which they do, and hard at that. Marbles always end up on the floor as well, lost in the carpet until you step on it with a bare foot. That shit hurts. So with that, marbles just need to go.

2. CUP SIGNS ON OVERPASS- This is just retarded and has gone on for way to long. Have you ever been driving on the freeway and looked up to notice that the over pass has a special note that says "Welcome Home John." You think someone named John gets all excited when he sees his name up there? Goes home and thanks his wife, only to find out that it was for a different John. His disappointment slowly turns to rage as he kills all the family's pets to punish them for their lack of appreciation!

3. TRAINS-That's right I said it. Trains. Fuck Trains. Most of all, F- their stupid, loud-ass horns. Is there really a need for them to blow that atomic horn 10 times at midnight when they approach an intersection. Are they afraid that someone may be stuck on the tracks, in between the barriers? If someone is just sitting on the tracks and they are not able to take two steps to the side to avoid the giant train, then they should go as well. Trains suck.

4. MALE R.T.- Rock Tit on males is one of the most disgusting things you will ever see. If you have a tendency to get R.T. and you are a guy, do us all a favor and throw on an extra layer. Girls who get R.T., just keep doing what you are doing, unless you are fat, in which case you should lose some weight. (You kow Peter has some nasty RT going on)

5. WARREN SAPP- First off, for those who do not know, Warren Sapp is a Defensive Lineman for the Oakland Raiders. For years now the media will interview this fat, loud-mouthed, overrated football player after they have just lost whatever game they happened to be playing. And in every interview, this fat-ass has a giant wad of Chew stuffed in his lower fat lip. Seriously, are you that addicted that you cannot wait you are done with interviews to shove a bunch of shit in your face. Maybe he is just trying to speed up cancer so he can get off what can barely be considered a football team. The high-school girls volleyball team could beat the Raiders this year.

6. The Phrase "Right from the Horse's Mouth"- What in the flying hell does that mean!? It makes no sense whatsoever. A horse should kick whoever started that stupid phrase in the groin. Seriously, WTF. Has anything good ever come from a horse's mouth to prompt such a dumbass statement?

7. VOICEMAIL PAGE PROMPT- this is the last one. Why is it that when you call someone's cell phone and go to their voicemail that you can still be prompted to "Page" this person. Has anyone ever in the history of cell phones actually thought, "I am pretty fucking stupid, I think I will page this person." The only cell phone company that can still have this option is SPRINT. That is because they are a sad excuse for a cellular provider and they need to milk every second they can.

Well there you have it. If you have taken the time to read this pointless ramble you will become a better person. Also, please add things that you would like to see gone (please don't say Tittle needs to go, I am sensitive).

Sappy Dad Stuff

I just wanted to say a little something about being a Dad. About a week ago my son, Logan, smashed his little finger. It was not too bad, but it was definitely hurting him. For those of you who do not know Logan, he is only 5 years old. So when he gets hurt he will usually come to me seeking comfort. I have always found this nice, which is kind of strange. So I analyzed why it is that I like it so much when my son comes to me for comfort in these situations. 90% of the time there is not a damn thing I can do about his pain, and I hate that. But for some reason he always starts to feel a little better and at ease. This is what makes it such a special experience. It really is kind of hard to explain, but I will do my best. To know that I have the ability to provide some comfort when my child is in pain just by holding him is absolutely amazing. Even when there is nothing I can do about the pain. He still will feel better just by holding him for a minute. What an amazing feeling. This is one of those experiences that make being a Dad so great. I am lucky to have such an amazing son.