Sex & Baseball; Baseball & Sex

If you know me at all you know that I frequently use baseball analogies to describe all things dating and sex related. This is not unique by any means. I might say that I hit a homerun with a female; unfortunately I failed to go around the bases. I just hit the ball, pointed at it leaving the park (I really am kind of a pointer, sorry to all offended strippers), and then went and just sat on the bench as opposed to rounding the bases. I will often refer to girls as throwing me curve balls, or walking me to first base, or just lobbing me an easy one right down the middle where all I need to do is swing. Then there is the Grand Slam... never mind; you get the idea.

Anyway, something strange happened the other day while listening to sports talk radio. A local sports personality, David Locke, was talking about steroids and other performance enhancing drugs in baseball making the sport fake. And you know what he used as his analogy?!? SEX! He compared baseball to sex. He said baseball has become that platinum blonde with big fake boobs, fake nails, and a mini skirt, etc. You get the picture (if not see below). We have all seen this girl (I usually point at her). When she first enters the scene she in nice to gander at, but when you spend some time with her you come to realize that there is nothing really there, she’s not that interesting. It is nice to look at for a few minutes, but spend anytime with it and you will grow tired of how counterfeit she is and move on to something else. There is no substance there. This is what baseball has now become; a big blonde hussie!

Tiger's Blood

Admit it, when you hear of Tiger’s Blood you immediately know that it is a snow cone flavor and not literally Tiger’s Blood. Everyone knows this. It is one of the greatest treat names in the history of treats. Have you ever been to a place that serves flavored shaved ice treats, either with or as a kid, and not ordered Tiger’s Blood over blueberry, fruit punch or the hundreds of other boring sounding snow cones? This leads me to ask this one question, why stop with the clever snow cone names at Tiger’s Blood? I don’t have the greatest memory, but as a kid I remember ordering Tiger’s Blood snow cones. Everyone who has ever had a snow cone has ordered it at least once. So why did the snow cone marketing geniuses quit with the one awesome flavor name? Did they just peak with the first suggestion? I think the flavor naming meeting must have went something like this:

Characters:
Snow Shack Boss: The Juice
Employee A: Bench
Employee B: Gooch

The Juice: Good work Bench. Tiger’s Blood is a great name for a treat. Every kid in the world will order it at least once. Next on the list is Black Cherry. Any suggestions…..nothing….no one…no one has a single idea.

Bench: Why don’t we just call it Black Cherry?

The Juice: Ok. In fact, we should just call all the other flavors by what they actually are and call it a day. HEY! Gooch! PUFF PUFF PASS, quit bogarting the reefer!
(You know they were a bunch of stoners)

Bench: Should I trademark Tiger’s Blood?

The Juice: (Cough Cough) What the hell is a trademark? Here hit this and we will worry about it later.