Old People Suck!

There is a great line in a song by the White Stripes. It goes “I just hope I don’t act the same way by the time that I get that old.” This is in reference to him attempting to win the approval of his girlfriend’s mother, but nothing seems to be working for him. Well, I believe we can all relate to this particular line in this song. We all know old people who drive us fucking nuts. I personally know about 2 dozen, which coincidentally are all the old people I know. This may also have to do with the fact that I “literally” work in a “retirement home.” (Retirement home is the nickname I gave my cubicle area that I work in because of all the old bastards that surround me and tell stories from the “good ole days”) Here are a few things I hope to avoid when I get older.

First, I am not sure how this is, but old people must have finger nails that grow like lightening. I also do not know why they assume that public finger nail clipping is an acceptable behavior. They just clip away, at their desk, with no regard to the finger nail shrapnel flying in all directions. I never thought I might need safety glasses for my desk job. It would be one thing if this happened just once in a while, but it happens nearly every damn day! And it is not two clips and the finger nail is done. No! Each finger nail takes an average of about ten clips to shorten to the appropriate length. And each tiny clip sends off a nail fragment like a shell casing from a machine gun.

I hope to avoid constantly saying “I Says, I Says” every third sentence in a conversation. It is like I work with Foghorn Leghorn (this is the nickname I have given to this particular oldie). This is a recording from a conversation I had with Foghorn Leghorn. And here is another clip for fun.

It has recently come to my attention (thank you Michelle) that Foghorn Leghorn also has a problem with zipping up his pants. Which is enough of a problem by itself, but it is compounded by the fact that when this individual gets fired up with some random issue (like plumbing in his house or running over alligators) he has a tendency to swing that particular region of his body. At any moment in time his junk could interrupt an already unfortunate situation. Sorry if you just puked in your mouth.


Well, that is all I want to say about the oldies I work with. Actually, this is all about one person, but that does not change the fact that old people suck.